Why THIS Retreat.

“You don’t look excited,” she said.

“I really, really want this baby, I just don’t know what I am going to do with a third child,” I replied.

It was December 2009. We had just confirmed that I was pregnant. Not long after I had decided that I was going to have to give up on my hope for a third little one.

I was 37 years old and had been diagnosed with endometriosis four years prior. We had “tried’ for each of our children for more than a year, and this one was no exception.

I was the primary wage earner of the family. I paid the bills, secured the insurance, and also performed the overwhelming majority of the “invisible labor” of running a household and raising children. I worked all week and then was often solo parenting on the weekends.

I had been a CEO (officially) for just two months. I was managing an M&A (“forced marriage”) that had been in process for more than two years with no final decisions being made before my arrival and no real “surviving” entity.

We were re-building an almost 100 year old legacy from scratch. Everything from phone systems and financial management platforms, to rewriting all of our internal processes and systems, to strategic planning, and everything in between. At the outset, we were two years behind some of our peers in the implementation of a complete overhaul of completely new program curriculum and metrics.

Thousands of stakeholders. Three distinct, not particularly healthy, corporate cultures across three states with a myriad of geographic differences and trust issues.

Hundreds of miles on the road every week back and forth across the territory. Building trust and casting a vision for the future.

It was the leadership challenge I was made for. And also, it was A LOT.

In March 2010, I went to visit my Mom in Martha’s Vineyard. My Mom was an inconsistent presence in my life for all of my childhood. But we had gotten closer in my early twenties.

By that time in my life, she was the only person I showed my soft underbelly to. The only one who ever knew when I was feeling overwhelmed or afraid. The only one who knew that I was functioning like a superhero in every aspect of my life.

You see, I “came up” in the generation that thought we were supposed to be able to DO IT ALL. We had been “given permission” to pursue our professional dreams, without laying anything else down. 110% at home. 110% (or more) at
work.

And between that and my own conditioning–check out the latest episodes of the podcast for more on this–I was predisposed to persist against all odds and never ask for help.

I knew where Mom’s landmines were, and I was adept and avoiding them. It wasn’t safe for me to expect or demand that she show up in a certain way. But when she chose to show up, she was magical.

I arrived in Martha’s Vineyard with my girls, ages 7 and 3, in tow. And my Mom showed up:

She helped entertain my girls.

She let me nap on the couch.

Every meal was thoughtfully and intentionally prepared–beef bourguignon for dinner, croque monsieur or a charcuterie board (way before they were cool) for lunch(es).

She helped me process the leadership challenges I was facing.

She helped me process how I was going to call in resources to support me at home: everything from asking the person who cleaned my house to start helping with laundry, to considering hiring contractors to perform repairs and prepare my 1,600 square foot house for another body, to interviewing personal chefs.

I didn’t ultimately employ all of these resources, but I was able to sort through where to begin to help my life feel more manageable … survivable.

If you have been here for a while, you know that losing my Mom, my lifeline, just two years later was the beginning of the descent for me. I couldn’t do and be all of the things to all of the people without her (someone) in my corner who could see and honor my overwhelm and provide me with the support to process, problem-solve and feel less alone.

Now I know I don’t actually have to do and be all of the things to all of the people.

Now I know that abandoning myself has disastrous consequences.

Now I have learned to honor my body and my needs and to seek and use resources and support.

Now I know how to build rest and recovery into my daily life no matter what the world demands of me.

Now I know that there is more to life than living in survival mode all of the time.

But I didn’t know that then. I just needed to be held. To be witnessed. To be nourished. To be supported. I needed tools and resources. I needed a NAP while someone else took care of my girls.

And I needed encouragement and permission to take action in support of my own capacity.

My ultimate goal is to equip you with the information, tools, resources and nervous system capacity to claim nourishment and rest for yourself. But sometimes capacity building begins with the support of someone else who is a little bit further down that path than you are.

This is why I created the Whole You: Nourish Retreat. Because being held, nourished and supported by my Mom more than a decade ago still stands out so profoundly in my memory as the gift that it was.

You can check out all of the information and register for the retreat here. And if you would like to receive your personal invitation, which includes my commitment to hold a spot for you for a period of time in order for you to make a considered and supported decision, please reply to this email with the word RETREAT.

Book before the end of this year and receive a FREE 1:1 Coaching Session with me along with a tax deductible business expense for 2023 (if applicable).

I would love to see you there,

Booth

p.s. There are 6 spots left for the Whole You: Nourish Retreat!