Wherever you go, there you are.

What if we cannot count on the world to pause when we need one? For everyone else to adjust their demands or even be understanding and kind in complement to our capacity and our well-being?

What if we cannot count on the world–or even the people who deeply love us– to ensure our thriving?

For years, my default response to the rising anxiety I felt about my never- ending to do list and the piles in my both physical and virtual inboxes was to do more. To keep moving. Persisting. Hustling. Surviving. Barely.

On a couple of occasions in my first career, I even tried to assuage my anxiety (and satisfy the demands of a perfectionist boss) by pulling all-nighters. I wouldn’t leave the office until every item in the inboxes was cleared out. Long before VPNs and work-from-home were common.

For a moment, I would feel so accomplished! And relieved. But then the rudest thing happened.

By the time I recovered from pulling the all-nighter(s) and continuing to work full days without stopping to recuperate … a process that would take 2-3 days … the inboxes would be full again. Every. Single. Time.

And the brief respite I bought myself with my extra effort and persistence would fade quickly into the background.

This is when I gave up on the idea of “inbox zero” and learned to tolerate a certain amount of “unfinished business” in my inbox(es). Because I realized, I wasn’t ever going to actually catch up with the external demands on my time and energy.

That doesn’t mean I was suddenly “zen” about the endless tidal wave I faced every day … I just learned not to be (as) reactive to my inboxes.

Throughout my first career, 70-80 hour work weeks were the norm. I was actually “on call” 24/7 for the first five years of the decade I spent at this company. I routinely arrived at the office before sunrise and left after dark. And I worked from labor and delivery when each of my first two children were born. When I transitioned out of this role and was actually able to take a breath for the first time in a decade, I thought … NEVER AGAIN.

And I entered my second career–as the CEO of a $5 million nonprofit created out of merger–with very clear intentions about the way I would design my new role, leadership team and the organization as a whole so that I would be able to step away and trust that the organization would be able to carry out its mission without my constant attention and presence. In many ways, I was successful in bringing that intention into form.

But when my mom was dying of cancer in another city approximately three hours away, my “do more” patterning kicked in once again.

My youngest child (of three) was less than a year old. I had been leading my organization through complex change–both at my behest and in order to better align with national initiatives–for less than two years, and to say there was “pushback” would be an understatement.

My mom was the only person I told when I didn’t feel like a superhero. The only person with whom I was completely honest and vulnerable when I felt overwhelmed and afraid.

I started having anxiety attacks (without knowing what they were).

Every demand on my time felt equally urgent and important (and potentially threatening) if I didn’t show up at 150% all of the time. Travel six hours round trip to go see my Mom for one night. Come back and take care of the kids. Pay the bills. Schedule the appointments. Manage the calendars. Find summer child care. Pick up the house. Be “on” all week for my Board, staff, leaders, girls and volunteers. Media appearances. Strategic plans. Conflict resolution. Constituent meetings. Internal leadership development. Face-to-face culture building. Multiple cities per week. I literally was pumping breast milk while driving.

And still, I DID MORE. Crossfit. Half-marathon. Triathlons…

If I couldn’t control the outcome (frankly of any element of my life), I was damn well going to control the inputs. ALL OF THEM.

If you have been following along for a while, you know how that “do more” approach turned out. If you haven’t heard the rest of the story, you can find more of it here.

Wherever you go, there you are.

The more stress you are under, the more exhausted and depleted you become, the longer your body perceives threat (or the more dangerous those threats seem to be), the more likely you are to resort to old patterns and habits.

Not because you are weak. Not because you don’t “know” enough. But because your survival patterning is designed to take over and steer you to safety–based on the behavioral responses that successfully kept you alive in the past.

Often in stark contrast to the patterns that actually help you thrive.

And we wonder why, no matter how how hard we try, we cannot seem to find calm and stillness in our bodies and minds. Or we have a sneaking suspicion that our “calm” might actually be “numb.”

We struggle to set and hold the boundaries that allow us to reclaim our time and energy. Or the idea of slowing down or being still is triggering in its own right. We feel chronically overwhelmed, exhausted, and frankly, beat up by life.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

AND, in order to heal, strengthen your center, and expand your capacity to thrive and create the life you desire, you may have to learn how to engage differently with the world (and the demands on your time and energy). To recognize the patterns and behaviors that are keeping you stuck and to gently rewire those patterns with the right tools and support.

We have to stop “doing more” in response to the stimulus. We have to learn to BE differently.

I can help you walk this path. It is the same path I am walking myself.

Your transformation begins February 14th at 11am EST:

• A virtual 4-week experience
• Approximately one hour per week
• Recordings will be available
• More details forthcoming

I have been talking about the impact of this journey through healing and expansion for the last year through the podcast and this newsletter. I am so excited to share it with you!

Love,

Booth

p.s. Spots are still available for the 2024 Whole You: Nourish Retreat!! The registration deadline is March 10 (or whenever spaces fill up).