A Valentine’s Day Reflection.

I haven’t been in a committed partnership (or intimate relationship of any kind) for almost 9 years.

Sometimes it is lonely … missing that deep connection with another adult human in my day-to-day.

I am also acutely aware that we can be in a committed partnership and still feel very much alone.

I was pondering these things on Valentine’s Day–one of the many holidays for which the idealized version rarely seems to fit reality–when I realized something.

In many ways, I am less alone than I have ever been.

Because I am more WITH MYSELF than I have ever been before.

More present.

More attentive.

More responsive.

More nurturing.

Less likely to deny my own truth. Or my knowing.

Less likely to buy into the conditioned and cultural messages that declare that self-abandonment and/or self-flagellation are indicators of morality.

Less likely to use the force of my will (or a constant drip of adrenaline and cortisol) to marshal a certain level of functionality and performance.

More likely to give myself the time and space I crave.

To move at a pace that honors my capacity.

To allow time to rest and recover after I push.

And to seek out the things that bring me joy.

I am safer in my own skin. Both literally and figuratively.

More likely to tend to my own needs without shying (or running) away from the uncomfortable parts.

More likely to ask for what I need from others. And to set boundaries around structures, relationships, and ways of being that no longer work for me. I can give myself permission to honor the complexity of being human. To hold the both and instead of either or.

I know that I can honor your pain without fearing that it invalidates my own. I can resist the cultural habituation that demands we hold up a measuring stick against suffering.

I can extend self-compassion to the parts of me who worked so hard to survive, to keep me safe, and who didn’t know then what they know now.

And I can return to myself, over and over again, when I realize that I have left part (or all) of me behind.

I may be late to my own party. But I made it.

What would it be like to know that, no matter what happens, you’ve got YOU in your corner?

To know that you have (developed) the capacity to be with you, choose you, honor you, support you, tend to, celebrate and nourish you.

That YOU can trust YOU.

Yes, you can buy yourself chocolate, flowers, ice cream, a lovely dinner or whatever feels like a celebration to you.

But even more than that, you are present to your own value and worth.

I am not saying that we don’t need other people. We absolutely do.

I am saying that we need ourselves TOO.

“Valentine” comes from the Latin “valens”, which can be translated as strong, powerful, healthy, and worthy.

My wish for you is that you will come to feel, if you don’t already, the confidence, strength, power, and vitality that comes when you know you are never leaving yourself (again). And that if you do get lost–because you are human–you know how to find your way back.

May it be so.

Love,

Booth

p.s. All of my coaching offerings now include optional nervous system healing and expansion work to support you in creating the life (or business) and well- being you desire. If you would like to schedule a 20-minute conversation to see coaching if support is a good fit, email hello@boothandrews.com.

p.p.s. If you have had your eye on the Whole You: Nourish Retreat 2024, the registration deadline is March 15th. Go here to reserve your spot!