Longing to exhale.

A couple of weeks ago, my community was hit with winter weather the likes of which we haven’t seen in thirty years. Because we rarely get a significant accumulation of snow or ice, and because even when we do the temperature usually rises within a day or so, we don’t really have the equipment to deal with this kind of weather. As a result, many of us were stuck at home for more than a week.

For a couple of days, people were excited about the novel experience of deep snow and maybe even grateful for the excuse to stay home.

But a few days after that, as so many neighborhoods were still too treacherous to leave, I started seeing posts about people having 2020 flashbacks.

I didn’t mind the forced pause. In part because my body was processing some big things.

And in part because I chose “NOURISH” as my word of 2024 (shocking, I know), and I have been intentionally shifting things around in my schedule to allow myself more space to move more slowly and to reallocate my bandwidth toward creating some additional supportive habits that I have “known” I needed to implement for a while but always seem to end up on the back burner.

As we transitioned from the frenetic holiday season into the new year, I have challenged myself to consider how I can continue to live into the most nourished version of myself.

Within this reflection, I became aware that, despite all of the ways I do actively support my well-being most days, I was still over scheduling myself; leaving certain (sometimes still aspirational) practices to the nooks and crannies of my time and energy. The first things to be completely abandoned during a very busy and long day.

When everyone else is moving more slowly, there is less tension (in my body and mind) between what I know I need and what I perceive everyone needs from me. And because my youngest is (finally) developing the independence of a young teenager, this time at home was actually pretty restful for me. I recognize this is not the case for everyone.

And then, the snow and ice started to melt. And my inbox(es) started to fill up.

I felt the tension rising … the anxiety starting to quicken in my body … pulled between the new habits and pace I am trying to create for myself and my (seemingly) competing desire to be responsive and to serve others quickly and well.

Has this ever happened to you?

At the time in which “new year, new you” messages are maybe just now starting to fade against the backdrop of winter, it might even feel fresh.

You know that you should be taking care of yourself. Self care, well-being, put your own oxygen mask on first and you can’t pour from an empty cup have become part of the cultural vernacular.

And yet, the distance between knowing and doing feels insurmountable.

Maybe you set an intention to create a new habit or to carve out more time for yourself.

Maybe you even schedule it.

But despite your best efforts, it seems like someone else’s needs and demands take precedence.

You are constantly reacting. Trying to keep all of the plates spinning. Wanting to bring your best to all of your roles. Everything feels equally urgent and important. And if you abandon your own needs and priorities, at least you will be the only one who is disappointed.

But before you know it, you have gone another day, week, month or year asking your body, mind and soul to do more with less.

Maybe you even feel frustrated when your body “fails” you by not operating at 110% capacity at all times no matter how little you are fueling it with food, water, movement, connection and rest.

And no matter how hard you try, how many things you mark off the list, how many accomplishments you achieve, you cannot seem to find a sense of peace, stability and calm in your own body.

It never feels like it’s enough. It never feels like you can “afford” to exhale.

Spoiler alert: I didn’t abandon my budding routines for the demands of the world (though I have been guilty of self-abandonment countless times in the past).

It’s not that the tension disappeared. It’s just that I am actively learning to honor my own needs TOO.

Want to know how? Keep an eye on your email. I have a new offer coming very soon.