If you have been around for a while, you may have heard me say before that, once upon a time, I set the intention that I no longer wanted to live in fear. Turns out, I had no idea what it would take to remove fear as the riptide that was running my life.

The short version is that I subsequently faced every fear that I knew that I had, save one–and some I didn’t have conscious awareness of–in the span of about five years.

Oh, the lessons I have learned through this season of my life (circa 2010 to now).

I learned that I could survive it all–the things that I was most afraid of and the things that had already happened to me that I had not yet processed.

I learned that the running from the fear and pain–as opposed to having the resources and support to turn, face, and heal it–was just as damaging, if not more so, than the original harm or the thing I was actually afraid of.

I learned that the mind is a powerful thing, but it is not ultimately running the show. That is why mindset and intellectual understanding can only take you so far.

Back in May of this year, I jotted down a (non-exhaustive) list of some of the other things I never want to forget about this part of my journey:

In some ways it felt like wandering in the desert for 7+ years, and in some ways it was full of provision: tanks of gas, cups of coffee, meals, groceries and gifts for my children provided by friends and family; driving a borrowed car for 6 months after an accident totaled mine; getting a car loan twice because someone personally vouched for me; money slipped into my wallet when I wasn’t watching; a friend paying my utilities bill so they wouldn’t be cut off; work projects sent my way; co-living with my ex-husband and that actually working for us; and so much more

Being forced (let’s be honest) to let go of the idea that I was in this life all alone and solely responsible for holding the world up on its axis #workinprogress

Precious, precious presence with my children in ways I could never have imagined and likely wouldn’t have asked for in advance, at least not in the way that it happened

Understanding that the line between us and homelessness is thinner than we would like to believe and never forgetting to be grateful for a safe (and warm or cool) place to sleep and enough food to eat

How intentional surrender can make the journey more easeful (as opposed to resisting every step of the way)

Being a “family” with my ex husband

Saying bye-bye to my ego (I mean, yeah, it pops up from time to time but I’m like “nah” not helpful most of the time)

Learning to trust others, ask for help, and set boundaries #workinprogress

The power of privilege

Just because it is hard doesn’t mean you are doing it wrong, but also, not everything worth doing has to be hard

Trauma rewires the nervous system–and so does healing

The power of community

That we are all craving authenticity and places we can be our true selves without judgment

The power of intentional rest and recovery (and supporting the nervous system so we can access these vital states)

The body will hold so much until it cannot hold it anymore and also, the body has an incredible capacity to heal with the right support

That abandoning myself doesn’t serve anyone I care about #workinprogress

I feel in my bones that this season of my life is coming to an end.

For the last three years or so, I have been living into the question . . . what does it mean to move beyond surviving to thriving?

And last year, I even dared to say out loud to a few people that I wanted to get off of the particular financial roller coaster I had been riding for the last many years–ever since my crash and burn (or perhaps for all of my life).

As usual, I had no idea what it would take. And I am not claiming to be “there”. In fact, I’m pretty sure there is no such thing as “arriving” in this life.

But, I do hope to spend the next season sharing with you some of the newer lessons I have been learning over the last few years as I navigate this transition from surviving to thriving, or perhaps what I would call “living more fully and wholly into this beautiful (and terrible) once in a lifetime experience of being human”.

Spoiler Alert: This journey has been much less like having a grenade thrown into my life for which I am infinitely grateful.

Thank you for being here–for giving me the distinct honor of allowing me to make meaning in part by sharing my story with other humans.

I am excited about what is to come.

Love,

Booth

p.s. If you think you could benefit from having weekly prompts to be kind to and take care of yourself, Phone Booth subscriptions are live with both yearly and monthly options available. It’s like having a self-care angel on your shoulder.

p.p.s. If you are feeling stuck, like you are operating at an unsustainable pace but don’t know how to stop, or like you have dreams you want to bring to life but aren’t sure how, my coaching options are now listed on my website. Not sure which one is right for you? Schedule a call to explore.

p.p.p.s. I have an exciting announcement coming soon about my (first?) 2024 retreat for women entrepreneurs, leaders and visionaries.