My first response to discomfort used to be doing something.

Anything to take my mind off of whatever discomfort, anxiety, fear, or pain was lurking underneath.

Anything that might have some power to make it feel better, to make the world (and my life) feel safer and more in control.

I shared more about this frenetic, compulsive energy on the inaugural episode of the Freedom from Empty podcast. About the fact that I literally couldn’t sit down without being overcome with anxiety. I couldn’t play with my kids. I couldn’t just sit and “relax” unless I was scrolling something on my phone. I couldn’t sleep.

I knew how to work. Train. Lead. Transform organizations. Manage all of the things. Spin all the plates. But I couldn’t just “BE.”

I got this instinctual response honestly. In my house growing up, if things were not okay, if I wasn’t being held, loved, supported, nurtured (and if I was being verbally, emotionally and physically abused), then it was my fault, and I had better FIX it.

I shared in my last email about the process I have been in over the last few months; revisiting some old patterns, wounds, beliefs and perceptions (held by me or by others). Deciding what to keep, deciding what to let go of. Holding the intention of stepping more fully into who I was put on this earth to be.

As early as last week, I shared with a friend that I felt like I was in the gooey middle of this round of healing and transformation. If you aren’t sure what the “gooey middle” is . . . there is a quote I came across a few years ago about how we all talk about the caterpillar turning into a butterfly, but we don’t talk (as often) about the fact that the caterpillar has to essentially dissolve into a pile of goo during that transformation process.

Sometimes, I complain that I am tired of growing. I feel like my life has been FULL of “opportunities” for growth, and sometimes I just feel exhausted with the whole business. Like, can’t I be all grown and healed already?!?!

I said something along these lines to a friend last week and she responded . . . “you don’t always have to do the work . . . sometimes just being and letting life go on is ok too.” Mind blown. Light bulb on.

For many of us, an integral part of our own transformational journey isn’t about “doing” but about “being”. Learning to stop resisting. Learning to allow whatever is in our bodies to move through it. Learning to lean into a process but release the outcome. Learning to rest. Learning to be still.

Over the last few months, there really hasn’t been a whole lot I could “do” about how I was feeling.

I could keep taking care of myself . . . sleep, water, food, exercise.

I could seek support from friends so I felt less alone.

I could be present to what is happening in my body.

I could observe.

I could engage in nervous system calming techniques when needed such as extending my exhale and staring into the deep greens of summer outside my window.

But that was about it. And it turns out, that was enough.

Do you compulsively respond to discomfort with action? Do those actions actually allow you to sit at the root of that discomfort or do they just help take the edge off and slap and bandaid on things?

Do you believe at your core that if things feel gross it means that you aren’t doing enough? Or maybe you aren’t doing it “right”?

If this is you, consider this your invitation to consider that maybe, just maybe, the answer isn’t in doing. Maybe your next opportunity is to practice “being.”

This is a capability we build one moment at a time, one choice at a time. The more we practice, the more proficient we will become.

And then, one day, we might realize that we have been in the goo without trying to fight, “do” or perform our way through it. There is an ease to be found there. I am here for it.

If you find these emails supportive, I would be honored if you would share with your friends. Until next time.

Love,

Booth

p.s. If you missed the latest episode of The Freedom from Empty podcast, check it out here! In this episode I issue an invitation to share your story as a guest on the podcast. If you would like to explore this opportunity, please schedule a preliminary conversation with me here.

p.p.s. Did you know that I offer FREE 30-minute 1:1 Consults? Go here, to schedule.

p.p.p.s. The Running on Empty Quiz is back up and running! If you want to know where you sit on the burnout scale right now, go here to find out!