Newsletter 7.28.22 – Before the Leap

Reporting live from the edge where I am navigating life without two-thirds of my favorite life preservers: coffee and the gym. I am happy to report that no one has been harmed during this experiment though I willingly admit that I have been noticeably less patient and tolerant of the kiddos and the bait and switch that is “plans vs. reality”; a fact of daily life that seems to be amplified when the kids are out of school for the summer.

I am also grateful to report that while I have felt many feels over the last ten days or so, I have not felt a hint of despair or like I was flirting with a downward spiral. In that respect, I have crossed into the unknown and am no worse for the wear. For those of you who know what it is like to be afraid that you are succumbing (again) to the darkness, you will understand the enormity of this gratitude.

The observation from this experience that I want to talk about today is about what happens before the leap.

I only recently heard the word leap as it relates to childhood development. A “developmental leap” is a period of intense mental development that babies experience. There are ten leaps over a period of twenty months. Prior to the leap, the baby may be fussy, grumpy, or clingy.

Human beings are cyclical beings. Consider the cycle of the breath, the moon, the seasons. We are not immune to the patterns of nature, despite our protestations to the contrary.

We cannot expand and grow at infinite linear pace and rates. There must be contraction. There must be hibernation. There must be rest. There must be restoration.

Despite all of the cultural signals that would suggest otherwise, we cannot override our cyclical nature in perpetuity without grave consequences.

And it turns out, that our well-being and capacity for impact are tied to how intentionally we embrace (instead of resist) the very cycles we embody.

Time and time again, in my own life and in the lives of others I mentor and coach, I have seen this cycle play out. And for what it is worth, this cycle applies to business too! When we are on the verge of a new horizon, something happens that can test our belief and resolve.

And because our nervous system is lagging behind our present-day experience, we might feel fussy, grumpy, or clingy. Afraid to let go of what we know–old wiring and patterns–because we don’t yet trust what is in front of us.

Before the leap, there is discomfort.

Our nervous systems have hard-wired response strategies and patterns for a very good reason. At some point in time, there was a stimulus (or multiple stimuli) that felt threatening enough that our nervous system not only responded in the way it needed to keep us safe, it also catalogued it for future reference.

And when our brains sniff even a hint of a potentially “like” stimulus, the nervous system leaps into action and guides us back to safety. Or so it thinks anyway.

Because in that moment, our logical brain is not assessing whether the perceived danger really is the same or really as dangerous as it was when we first encountered it. The primal brain is running the show.

My nervous system believes that good things go away. It has a mountain of evidence to back up that belief. Patterns that have played out over and over again throughout the course of my life.

Earlier this week, something happened that triggered that belief. Or shall we call it by it’s name: fear.

It didn’t send me into a total vortex but “whew!”, my stress level went through the roof. Everything felt harder.

Because I’ve been on this journey for a while–learning to observe my thoughts and behaviors–I was able to notice what was happening though I will also admit that I didn’t immediately remember to reach for my tools to help me navigate. I might have just been extra cranky about not being able to grab a cup of coffee to help it all feel momentarily better.

But I also didn’t abandon myself, shut down or self-sabotage either. I kept doing the things that my body needs–sleep, water, food, walking the dog.

And ya’ll, the kids! One of the sweetest moments in all of this has been my kids encouraging me to BREATHE. They really are paying attention!?

And now that the “threat” has passed and my mind is a bit clearer, and now that I recognize this as a very normal part of the cycle of contraction and expansion, I can challenge this embedded belief that all good things go away.

I can also tend to my nervous system while it navigates the discomfort of the leap; reassuring my body that we are, in fact, safe. My 7 Tips for Calm are a great place to start if you need to send reassuring messages to your nervous system.

Are you in the discomfort before the leap? Do you see or feel change on the horizon and feel uncertain and afraid? Like maybe you cannot trust what is in front of you? And then something happens that, when amplified by a hypervigilant nervous system, seems to indicate that in fact, all of your worst fears are actually true and you are going to be stuck here forever?!

If this is you right now, I encourage you to tend gently to your nervous system; giving it time to acclimate to this brave new world while resisting the urge to self-sabotage or to turn back and go where it feels “safe.”

Trust the leap. And remember, that while leaps can be scary and they can also be exhilarating. You will find your footing again, wherever you land next.

And if you need help or reassurance while navigating the leap, let me know. You are not alone.

Love,

Booth

p.s. Registration is now open for the Whole You: Returning Home Retreat in Ocean Isle, North Carolina, November 3-6, 2022! Everything you need to know can be found here. Registrations close October 10th.