I spent several decades using my mind to override the needs and desires of my body. That is what I was taught to do … by my parents and caregiver, by church, by athletic coaches. My mind was strong, reliable and trustworthy. Everything else was suspect (at best). Or so I believed.

And it worked, until it didn’t. Much to my surprise (and terror). Particularly given that I prided myself on being able to see around corners and anticipate outcomes.

Granted, there were lots of red flags along the way: multiple stress fractures from exercising/training through pain; chronic and recurrent illness, infection and inflammation; increasing dependence on antibiotics, steroids and other medications; months long recovery from surgeries that in theory should have only taken weeks; hormone imbalances; elevated cortisol levels; stress induced pre-term labor x2; chronic heartburn; sudden weight gain; high blood pressure; severe mental illness …

Western culture in particular puts way too much power in “mind over matter” and “productivity at all costs”; turning us into robots and automatons.

Eventually, we become accustomed to ignoring the cries (and wisdom) of our bodies. And we don’t even realize anymore how much energy it takes to override our own cyclical, biological and primordial nature day in and day out.

And then, when our body doesn’t “perform” we get frustrated. Irritated even.

In my first decade as a professional–when I was regularly working 70-80 hours per week–I would push myself to the point of illness or exhaustion (my self- diagnosis in response to random fainting spells), and then give myself a whole day off.

And when one whole day off stopped being “enough” to get back on the grind, I remember thinking, “I took a whole day off, what is wrong with me?! Why don’t I feel better?!?”

And trust me, I wasn’t asking this question with gentle curiosity and a willingness to listen to my own body. I was asking this question out of frustration at the audacity of my body needing more than one whole day to recover from whatever it was that had put me under in the first place.

Pushing myself harder and harder was my desperate attempt at grasping for control, steadiness, safety. If I could just do more, maybe I would someday “arrive”. And when I “arrived”, I would have all of the things I craved–safety, security, predictability, consistent resources, respect, unconditional love.

And just maybe I wouldn’t feel afraid anymore. Maybe I would feel content. Maybe I would feel like I could truly, deeply rest (in contrast to collapsing out of sheer exhaustion).

Despite my tendency toward self-reflection and analysis, I had no idea that these were the fears and beliefs that were propelling me forward. These fears weren’t in my conscious mind. My conscious mind thought I was a f*#king superhero.

Instead, these fears were in my body (in my subconscious). And they were running the show. I didn’t know that my willingness to run myself into a wall over and over again wasn’t something to be proud of. That it was actually maladaptive.

Just as I had no idea that my body was trying to speak to me. First in whispers. And then louder and louder. Pleading with me through pain and symptomology … until my body and mind collapsed entirely (enter burnout and severe depression).

I was forced to stop ignoring my body because, if I was going to live– which I had decided was no longer negotiable–I didn’t have a choice. And, whew, it’s been a journey back.

I can see now that the total collapse I experienced 2012-2016 was followed by a long season of being afraid of my own body. Afraid of the vagaries of mental illness. Afraid another collapse might be lurking around the next corner, and afraid that if my body and/or mind did collapse again, I might never find my way back.

Time and time again I have crossed new thresholds of “what can I do and stay well?”** … as I have healed and expanded beyond the depths of my own personal implosion. Only in recent months have I noticed that I can get sick without that illness being accompanied by an almost paralyzing nervous system contraction.

My path to healing and expansion has only been sourced from and with my body. (Re)learning:

• to listen and respond to what my body has to say
• to re-engage my sensory experience of emotion–grief, yes, but also joy pleasure, contentment, presence and love
• to rest when I am tired
• to be extra gentle with myself (and not to believe everything I think) whe I am sad, or stressed, or find myself in a trauma response
• to rebuild physical strength, mobility and function
• to support my body with nourishment of all kinds and to reduce my exposure to toxins as much as I can
• to utilize vitamins, minerals and herbs with a particular focus on nervous system, immune system, hormonal systems and the brain
• to honor, lean in, and ultimately embrace cycles and seasons of life and work instead of trying to force constant activity, progression and linearity
• to prioritize time outside tuning into the beauty and magnificence of nature
• to build my capacity to step back out of dysregulation and into regulation (where I can access choice, context, perspective, and so on) again and again
• to hold both regulation and expansion for longer and longer periods of time while building fluidity and flexibility in a nervous system that was once a superhighway only between various states of dysregulation
• to trust in my body’s capacity to heal itself; and
• to nurture the deep, ineffable wisdom that is sourced from the body (and our innate connection to an energy beyond our own) and not the mind

Your mind can only take you so far. Actually, all by itself, it cannot take you anywhere except perhaps into a rumination spiral.

Your conscious and unconscious potential … in this form … is only realized through your body. We don’t know what happens once our energy leaves this plane.

As such, you are a once in a lifetime event. You were put here on this earth, just at this moment in time, for a purpose. And the only way to realize your potential in this lifetime is to work with and through your body.

Because I care deeply about helping individuals, organizations and communities step into their full potential for impact, and because I now understand that this does not happen without the integration of body, mind and spirit (aka wholeness) … I have shifted my coaching work toward using somatic (aka body-based) modalities to support clients in stepping into expansion, creation, and wholeness. More on “what to expect in a somatic coaching session” in a future newsletter.

In the meantime, if you feel a pull but aren’t sure if this type of coaching is right for you, I would love to know what questions you have. Please feel free to reply to this email or to schedule a Discovery Call to explore.

Love,

Booth

**I now believe that we each have our own flavor(s) of “what can I do and stay well?” in our lives. How much can I be seen and stay safe? How much can I expand into who I truly am and be loved? How much can I hold in my business and life without collapse? And so on. Do you know what yours is?

p.s. For current somatic coaching options, book a one-time session or explore longer term options here. Or schedule a Discovery Call to see if somatic coaching is a good fit for where you are right now.

*Somatic coaching is not intended to diagnose or treat any medical or mental health condition. It is not a replacement for the support of licensed medical or mental health professionals.