I was sitting at a table with other women entrepreneurs last week while each one shared one of the personal lessons they have learned from being an entrepreneur. The theme woven through many of the reflections was trust, particularly self-trust: honoring what they knew about their area of expertise; trusting their discernment with regard to right fit (or not right fit) clients; trusting themselves to bring their vision to life. And it got me thinking about each of you:
What might be available to you if you trusted yourself more? What choices would you make? What would you ask for? What situations would you walk away from? Where would you put your time and energy? What relationships would you renegotiate? In what ways would you dare to step outside of the cultural zeitgeist and forge your own path?
As the daughter of a hippie, surrounded by other hippies, I grew up with a healthy distrust of the “establishment.” Respect was something that was earned, not given on account of role or title.
I also have an innate stubborn streak. There was a time when telling me I couldn’t do something was certain to stoke the fire. And telling me I had to do something would get you absolutely nowhere unless I had already given you my trust and respect. Let’s be real, I still don’t like being told what to do. But now I choose what is or isn’t for me from a different place … not simply as willful resistance just because.
Being mocked or excluded for the ways I was different as a child, the norms (and fashion rules) I didn’t follow in many ways just reinforced my belief (and my determination) that I didn’t belong and wasn’t interested in belonging. Thanks, but no thanks.
The walls I built around my heart cost me a lot. It is lonely indeed to feel like you don’t really have a safe place in the world. A place where you will be known, seen, and unconditionally loved no matter what your idiosyncrasies. And my hyper-independence is one of the aspects of myself that led me to almost self-destruct. Because we are not designed to navigate this world all alone.
But one thing I did learn, perhaps earlier than some, was that I had to trust my own self. Because the world felt inherently untrustworthy. The world, this culture, my peers, religious and political leaders could not be trusted to tell me the truth (and I didn’t belong anyway). And ultimately I understood, though I didn’t know any better until I was older, my caregivers couldn’t be trusted either.
As a child, I learned to trust only my mind. My greatest tool, armor, and weapon (when needed). My capacity to wield intellect and a hyper rational argument can be devastating to the person on the receiving end. At this point in my life, it is a weapon I make the conscious choice NOT to use.
I left my first career, in part, because there was a nagging voice inside of me that said I was here for something more. For life and impact beyond everything I had accomplished thus far (and by conventional standards, I had accomplished quite a lot). I didn’t know much more than that when I stepped out of that 10-year career with no backup plan.
Through that transition, I started to tune into a field of trust that I had not been present to before. A deeper knowing. A sense of connection to the energetic fabric of the universe. A belief that somehow, even though I had no idea how, the universe was going to catch me if I stepped into the unknown.
By the time I stepped out of my second career, that sense of connection was gone. I have told the story before of when and how I could no longer feel the energy of anything outside of me. It was one of the most devastating (and hopeless) moments of my life. Coupled with the lost of my mother and the onset of severe mental illness, I lost trust in the universe at the same time as I lost trust in myself.
(Side Note: Even though I couldn’t feel it at the time, the universe caught me again, in ways that I could not have orchestrated if I tried. Not only did the universe provide for me financially in ways that I frankly wouldn’t have asked for, it has consistently been true that as I have been ready to take another step toward healing and wholeness, the resource (book, modality, healer, etc) has presented itself in my path. My job has been to recognize and devote myself to the learning/healing in front of me.)
I tend to be wary of absolutes. This world, the human experience, is exquisitely complex. And still, I would not be here if I hadn’t learned to listen, trust, and make choices in resonance with the knowing that rises from deep within me. My own soul.
FWIW I believe we all have this capacity when we are born. It’s just that we spend our formative years learning to ignore, deny, bypass, or squelch this knowing.
A body living a life that is disconnected from soul becomes deeply ill. Just as a society living disconnected from the natural world becomes deeply ill.
Given what I have learned about the vagaries of the mind and the lies it tells us–the way it bullies us in an effort to keep us “safe”–and through all of the modalities and wisdom I have explored on my own journey of healing, I have learned to trust my grounded body (in contrast to my hyper-vigilant, hyper- protective, survival mode body). I have also learned to spend more time observing and getting curious about my mind rather rather than believing everything it tells me or trusting it implicitly. Don’t believe everything you think when everything feels terrible.
When grounded and resourced, my body is open and deeply connected to the wisdom of my own soul and also the universal field. Because this source of trust knows that we are all connected and interdependent, and that we all are worthy of belonging, this version of self-trust is neither hyper- individualized nor does it demand that we deny our humanity or the humanity of others.
Operating from a place of self-trust enhances your well-being. Enables your power of choice (in contrast to reactivity). Saves time and energy. Breaks cycles. Allows you to forge your own path. Facilitates your soul’s purpose on this earth. And keeps you anchored in individual and collective wholeness.
In the midst of a large scale assault on “objective truth” there is no better time to practice attuning to your own wisdom, sourced from your grounded body, in congruence with your soul and the creative future that is available to you if you tune in and cultivate this aspect of yourself.
If you struggle with self-trust, I want you to know that you can cultivate your capacity for connected wisdom and knowing. And if you want to know how, I can help.
I am looking for four individuals to join a six-month, small group experience in which we will work with your unique nervous system blueprint to help you step more fully into your own power, voice and agency. If you are interested, reply to this email.
Love,
Booth
p.s. If you desire 1:1 support in reclaiming or stepping more fully into your own wholeness, somatic coaching might be for you. Check out my current coaching offerings or schedule a Discovery Call.