Episode Summary

Intro

Welcome to the Freedom from Empty Podcast: Building Strong, Effective, Resilient Leaders and Humans. My name is Booth Andrews, and I am your host. Thank you so much for joining me for this episode.

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Transcript

I saw a post on Instagram last week from @queenshealingqueens. It said: “Seek to be whole, not perfect.” And it occurred to me that this is the paradigm shift that I talk about all of the time–without saying nearly as simply and eloquently as this quote. 

And the next thing that occured to me is this . . . it is pretty easy for us to imagine what “perfect” looks like–because the unattainable standard of perfection is the standard that is held out before us day after day after day. 

We even put human beings on a perfection pedestal and then tear them down or “cancel” them when they make a mistake–even if they have deeply and authentically apologized and taken the other steps necessary for healing. For more on what I have learned about healing, you can check out Episode 58 of the podcast. 

But we may not really have an image of what it means to be whole. And it is difficult to be what we cannot see or even imagine is possible. 

So what does “whole” mean? According to Merriam-Webster it means: free of wound or injury; being healed; physically, mentally or emotionally sound and healthy; constituting the total sum or undiminished entirety; a coherent system or organization of parts fitting or working together as one. 

Today I am going to spend a little time talking about what it means to be whole from the perspective of the four centers of energy–physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional. For more on the four centers, you can check out the original source of this work The Power of Full Engagement by Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz. Their work is also embedded in much of my work, including my course, and also I spend more time on the four centers in Episode 54 of the podcast.

But imagine with me what it means to be whole . . . because I am not there yet, but that is my aspiration and my inspiration. 

When we are physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually whole, we navigate life with strength, endurance, flexibility and resilience. It isn’t that life is easy . . . it’s that we have the skills, tools and resources that we need to thrive and to continue to work toward the fulfillment of our purpose despite the obstacles that cross our path. 

It is easy (at least for me) to compartmentalize the various parts of my life and my being . . . to think of them as distinctly separate and apart from each other such that they don’t actually influence each other. This is what I was taught. 

But the truth is that physical wholeness is foundational to our capacity in the other three areas: mental, emotional and spiritual. 

When we are physically whole, we are able to stay alert, maintain vitality, manage our emotions, sustain concentration, think creatively and even to maintain our commitment to whatever mission we are on. We are also able to recover from stress and expand our capacity in the other three energy centers. 

If you have been a listener for a while, you know that I was taught to control my emotions growing up. And control them I did, until they made me very, very ill. Because unprocessed emotions get stuck in our bodies, and become toxic over time. 

I don’t subscribe to the school of “good vibes only” and I no longer believe that I am supposed to control my emotions with my brain. Instead, I have learned that the deepest expression of emotional capacity is the ability to experience a full range of feelings. 

I know now that often the things we do because we are desperate to avoid feeling difficult emotions are often more dangerous and destructive than the emotions themselves. 

I also understand now that our negative emotions or emotional states such as fear, frustration, anger, sadness, impatience, being overly critical, anxiety, rigidity, lack of depth in relationships, insecurity and low self-esteem, poor listening skills and low empathy can each be indicators of a depleted or under-developed emotional energy center. 

In contrast, when we intentionally invest in emotional recovery and expansion, we will find that we are able to move freely and flexibly across the full spectrum of emotions, less likely to get stuck in any one place. 

Would you believe that some of the behaviors that we have learned to chalk up to lack of willpower or discipline (or even poor moral character) may instead be signs that our brain and body are simply overloaded or need to recover? 

Are you struggling to organize and prioritize your work, maintain focus, access memory, regulate and/or process your emotions, manage your actions and impulses, sustain alertness, or maintain consistent effort over time? If you are, I bet you may even be giving yourself a hard time about it.

But did you know that signs of mental fatigue include: short attention span, disorganization, pessimism, a rigid or narrow perspective, mistakes, poor execution, lower creativity, mental staleness and a failure to take reasonable account of risks? 

What if, instead of beating yourself up when you are struggling, you are able to recognize that those behaviors were likely just indicators that you need a break (or that you need to take steps to re-engage your parasympathetic nervous system) so that you can again access your prefrontal cortex where all of your executive functioning lives. 

When our mental energy is on point, we are able to sustain concentration, move flexibly between broad and narrow concepts, and also internal and external focus. We are able to access realistic optimism, which is our ability to see the world as it is, while also working positively toward a desired outcome or solution.  

And finally, our spiritual energy–derived from our connection to a deeply held set of values and purpose beyond our self-interest–can be a unique force for action in all dimensions of our lives. There are times when our spiritual energy can actually carry us beyond our physical limitations. But as I have described from my own journey, we cannot rely solely on spiritual energy to stay well. We have to continue to invest in the vessels that carry our souls.  

When we do not sustain our physical, emotional, and mental well-being over time, we will also lose our capacity to stay anchored and connected to our purpose, to our overall well-being, and our sense of connection of responsibility as it relates to the greater whole. 

This deficit can show up as disaffection, detachment, apathy, indecisiveness, conflict avoidance, lack of follow-through, unreliability, lack of truthfulness, exaggeration, stepping outside of our own values, or even the slow death of the body as our disconnection from soul makes us sick. 

But imagine a world in which we, individually and collectively, have the capacity to navigate with strength, endurance, flexibility and resilience; physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Imagine a world in which we are whole. 

When I was depressed, I couldn’t feel my legs. This went on for a number of years, But I remember sitting in my therapist’s office and having no neurological feedback from the waist down . . . they just felt dead, or not there.

Sometime last year, I became aware that I could feel my right leg, but not my left. Ironically, or perhaps understandably, I have experienced a number of injuries in my right leg over the years. It’s almost like my right leg has been trying to do the “heavy lifting” of life all by itself cut off from the whole and unsupported by my left. 

But just in the last few weeks, I have become aware that I can feel my left leg again! As I sit and type this, I have the sensation of my left foot inside my shoe, my left calf against the fabric of my workout capris, my laptop on my thighs. 

I haven’t even fully integrated all of the metaphors or stories that could be told about the process of sensation returning to both of my legs as I continue to progress on my healing journey. 

But just a few days ago, an armed student was shot by a police officer inside a high school in my hometown. This is the fifth student this community has lost to gun violence since the beginning of the year. 

This against the backdrop of the seemingly never-ending stream of violence and hate (physical and otherwise) against human beings because of the color of their skin and mass shootings that no longer take our breath away because we have been desensitized to the unthinkable. 

As I walked the dog on Monday trying to calm my own nervous system after navigating the panic felt by my two high schoolers, a prayer rose within me: what if, for a moment, we could see that the veil of separation between us is just an illusion? What if our eyes could behold the divine within each of us, and we could become fully present to the fact that we are inextricably linked and interconnected just as our four centers of energy are interconnected and interdependent? 

What if we came to understand and hold each other and the collective from a place of wholeness: with grace, empathy, compassion, flexibility, strength, and resilience. 

What if, when one of us was depleted, overwhelmed or overcome, the others could step in and offer whatever they have in abundance? 

What if we raised our collective voice against injustice and did the work to heal for ourselves and for future generations? 

What if we were, individually and collectively, free of wound or injury; physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually sound and healthy; constituting the total sum or undiminished entirety; a coherent system or organization of parts fitting or working together as one.

This is who we are inherently born to be. This is wholeness. 

Will you join me on the path? 

Outtro

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