Episode Summary

Dreaming of a better future is a key ingredient to well-being and our ability to realize our full potential. But somewhere along the way, you may have forgotten how to dream. In this episode I share more about my own experience with finding, losing, and then rediscovering my capacity to dream. I also issue an invitation for you to explore your dreams (or the obstacles that might be standing in your way). 

Intro

Welcome to the Freedom from Empty Podcast: Building Strong, Effective, Resilient Leaders and Humans. My name is Booth Andrews, and I am your host. Thank you so much for joining me for this episode.

If you are enjoying this podcast, I would be honored if you take just a moment to subscribe and rate wherever you listen to podcasts. When you subscribe and rate, you make it easier for other people to find this content. 

Transcript

For the first ten years of my career, I was a tactician. Dotting the “i’s”, crossing the “t’s”, building the processes and the budgets, solving  problems, drafting documents, managing risk . . . those activities consumed the bulk of my every day. 

It wasn’t until I was involved in leadership roles that I got to exercise different muscles. In these roles, I had the opportunity to initiate strategic conversations and participate in change initiatives to transform ways of doing things that were no longer aligned with the stated goals or the vision for the future of the organization. Or maybe the organization had never stepped out of its own day to day and taken the time to dream.

When I reorganized myself out of my first career in commercial real estate brokerage and property management in the summer of 2008, right before the bottom dropped out in the Great Recession, I had no idea what I personally wanted out of a career. 

You see, I had spent the prior ten years trying to please a perfectionist boss and treating the company I worked for as my own baby. As I networked in the community, and people kept asking me what I wanted to do, I was genuinely stumped. What I “wanted” had never been part of the equation before. 

I spent the next 9 months trying to figure out what I cared aboiut. Not what I had been taught to care about or execute on but what actually lit me up and got me excited. This was a difficult exploration but also exhilarating. You mean, I got to decide what I wanted to do!?! I didn’t have to do something just because it was the next “right” thing or the thing that someone else was demanding of me? 

By the way, I did not have 9 months in which I did not have to work while I engaged in this level of discovery . . . I was the primary wage earner with two small children. I was grateful to have a law license and a lot of hands-on experience in my first career that allowed me to step into a supporting role at a law firm with someone who wasn’t looking to build a stable full of lawyers but did have more work that she could do on her own at the time. This work bridged the gap between career #1 and career #2.

One of the biggest ah-ha moments for me during this time was the realization that just because we are good at something, doesn’t mean we care about it. Just because we can execute flawlessly most of the time, doesn’t mean the work lights our internal fire or gives us joy. 

It turns out that I was really good at a lot of different things. By that time I had worn hats in the following areas all for the same company–legal, accounting, marketing, IT, training, brokerage, construction, property management, maintenance and leadership. 

I realized that the work I had done on a volunteer basis . . . helping organizations identify their vision for the future and to design strategies to step into alignment with that vision . . . was where I really came to life. 

I brought this passion to my next organization, where we spent 6 years dreaming big and designing and implementing strategic, operational, and cultural growth and transformation across the entire organization; ultimately influencing strategy at the national level. 

And then, I lost my ability to dream. 

Buried in the depths of stage 4 burnout and mental illness, I could no longer see beyond the next moment. Heck, most of the time, I couldn’t even see beyond the moment I was in. All I could do was survive the now. Or try. 

I remember being aware that I had lost my ability to conjure the imaginary future that lived in my head . . .the one where individuals and organizations and communities are supported and safe and have everything they need to realize their fullest potential. 

I remember being aware that that wasn’t necessarily a loss without its own silver lining, because what was also true was that one of my coping mechanisms had become living in the future I was constructing instead of the reality that I faced each day. Up until this point, I had been almost incapable of sitting still in the present moment without distracting myself with work or phone or being overwhelmed with anxiety. My illness forced me back to the present moment. Even then, as sick as I was, I somehow understood that this was an important piece of the puzzle for me. 

I also remember wondering if it would ever come back . . . my ability to dream. Had I lost it forever? 

Since 2015, I have helped more than 40 individuals and organizations (both for-profit and nonprofit) envision a future and identify steps that they can take to make their dreams a reality. And I have led approximately 85 students through the Co.Starters program (an entrepreneurship program developed by Co.Lab) in which we help participants take their idea for a business (again either for-profit or nonprofit) and build some of the fundamental building blocks they will need in order to make that dream come to life. I love supporting people while they dream. 

From time to time, I have dipped my toe into dreaming for myself, but I have found that I still have some resistance there even. As far as I have come on my healing journey, I think part of me is still afraid to dream. I think my fear is centered, not so much on whether I could make the dream come to life, but whether I could sustain it without losing everything all over again. 

It has been an incremental journey to re-establish what I can do and stay well. And even as I write this I realize that I still have some healing to do around the chaotic and traumatic parts of my story. 

A few weeks ago I was having Friday morning tea with a dear friend and I started to throw around an idea for a project that would drive systemic and community change in response to the present day and generational trauma that is making so many of us–individuals, organizations, and communities–sick. Any effort along these lines would take years, perhaps even decades, to develop, implement and measure. I am not yet ready to take on that particular dream, but it was not lost on me that my brain was dancing with the idea. It had remembered how to dream.  

I have learned that we need both . . . the ability to dream and the ability to be present. 

Our dreams allow us to see how the problems of today can be solved or healed or transformed to make the world a better place for all of us–a key indicator of spiritual well-being. Being present allows us to stay grounded, regulate our nervous system, respond to our body’s signals and needs so that we can stay whole and well enough to make our dreams come true. 

When we are only surviving, when we are drowning in stress hormones, when we are depleted and exhausted, when we are caught in a trauma loop, we tend to get tunnel vision. With the blinders on our eyes we can get caught in beliefs and patterns that keep us stuck. We cannot imagine that things could be different. We might just surrender to a belief that there is no point in trying to change anything or make waves because we won’t be successful anyway. 

One of the other things that keeps us from dreaming is that we get stuck in the “how” before we imagine the “what.” We have a hard time giving ourselves permission to dream when we cannot already see a clear, obvious and attainable path to that dream. But if we do not allow ourselves to dream beyond what we already know, we are destined to repeat the past, to stay stuck, and ultimately to lose hope . . . do you ever wonder how much of our human behavior is the result of losing hope? 

If you were once a dreamer . . . whether in childhood, or college, or as a young professional, or in any other phase of your life, and you have lost your ability to dream, I want you to know that I think you can regain your capacity to dream. It may take a while . . . for me it has taken several years . . . but that part of you is still there. It doesn’t have to be lost forever. 

Maybe you need to give yourself permission to dream again even if you don’t yet know how you will make that dream a reality.

Maybe you need to rest. 

Maybe you need to heal your body and mind with professional support as needed. 

Maybe you need to find someone who has made their own dreams (or dreams like yours) come true. 

Maybe you need to spend time with other dreamers. 

Maybe you need to do all of the above. 

For so many people, 2020 highlighted things that weren’t working–personally, professionally, relationally, culturally–in our homes, communities, country and the world. 

Change often begins with a simple awareness . . . Not. This. And in that moment, there is a gap . . . because we may know that “this” is no longer working . . . but what now?

It is easy to become overwhelmed and mired in identifying the problem(s). And I have seen individuals and organizations lose days, months, even years, churning in the problem (not to mention the projection, avoidance, denial and other behaviors that often bubble up when we have identified something that feels broken or painful and aren’t sure how to move through our emotions around that realization in a constructive way). If you are an email subscriber, one of my April emails talked about the tools I have used and am using to support emotional processing for myself. If you are not an email subscriber, you can sign up at the link in my bio on Instagram @theboothandrews or in the link I will include in this transcript. You can also hear more about steps to support you as you navigate difficult emotions in Episode 25 of the podcast. 

When we allow ourselves to dream (once we have restored our capacity to do so) we discover that we are able to identify and/or create the solutions to those problems or to create a new strategy to replace one that is no longer working. We are NOT good at creative problem solving when we are exhausted, depleted, or ill. 

Is there something in your life that is no longer working for you? 

Is there a problem out there you feel passionate about trying to solve? 

Is there a life you want for yourself or your family or your community that hasn’t yet been realized? 

If you have the capacity right now, I encourage you to spend time dreaming. Write the story of your life, your family, your organization, your community, the world if your dreams are to become reality. Imagine how you will FEEL as you realize those dreams. Channel what hope feels like even in situations that on their face–in the now–might feel impossible to improve. 

If you do not have the capacity to dream right now, I would encourage you to consider what might be standing in your way. 

Are you exhausted? Sleep deprived? Chronically stressed? Burned out? Not sure? You can check out the Running on Empty Quiz on my website (linked in this transcript and also on my instagram @theboothandrews) to find out where you currently sit on the burnout scale.

I invite you to dream of the future you hope to create. I invite you to stay present in the moment–to stay connected to your body and soul–so that you can maintain your strength, well-being, resilience, capacity and desire to make your dreams come true. 

Outtro

Thank you for listening today. And, if you haven’t already, please hit subscribe and remember to rate this podcast wherever you listen to podcasts. When you subscribe and rate, you make it easier for other people to find this content. 

I look forward to being back with you next time!